Tuesday, February 27, 2007 ♥
Last footprint@12:08 AM
Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..
if you want me so much, first i have to know.
okay fuck, im in a damn bad mood right now BECAUSE i have an econs test tmr and i dont know shit. i have a history powerpoint to finish and ive not even begun. it's 10.23pm and at 11 i have to call kane. it's apparently the slut time, if you know what i mean. ah shit shit shit! i can just start swearing and whinning and just not stop. i dont know what the hell i am doing to my life right now. i had it all fucking planned out for this year at least. do well in IB, get good grades and make mummy and daddy happy. well it doesnt take a genius to know that im flunking my studies right now. i cant freaking hell concentrate. i cant get the fuck out of my mind, and i cant stand it! im usually damn good at my studies, it's one thing that i can control in my life and now, it's crumbling down. what the shit. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate not being in control. like you said, it doesnt take a genius to know that you love me. well but hell yes it does. because I cant see it and im not even a fucking genius. im that close - on giving up. giving up on everything we had, giving up on every fuck you said. because baby, words is all you have. it's what you do, not what you say. it hurts to think that im thinking of giving up. but im tired.. im tired of everything, im sick of just having to think about you everyday. i wana say that ive had enough and just move the shit along, but i know that i'll just be lying to myself, and lying to you. you make me so sad. i dont know if loving you is worth all this pain but i want you to know that i was with you when i had the night of my life.
i skipped chinese today. Again
how the hell am i suppose to do well for chinese!? omg.
im so stressed up! and whatsmore, im feeling so so horrible. im down with this horrendous cough which is killing my throat. i have to 'cough' every few seconds. Oh My God.. somebody save me. i just wana slit my wrist and be done with it. but well, blame it on the vain-ness. i cant bear to have a cut on my skin. AHHH! my life sucks .
the only thing worth looking forward to now is fallout boy on the 3rd. and basically that's it. i dont know how im gona spend my march holidays since the china trip my school planned is now cancelled. but im sure as hell not gona be some depressed shit . i think i need to get out of my depressed shithole and think of others as well. other people also have sad/depressing parts of their lives and im just one person. i just have to suck it up and deal with it.
tmr's econs test would be the first test im gona fail in like three years. how great is that.
make up your mind boy, because the my whole world is stopping for you right now. but soon, the night would have to end and dawn would come again.
♥ Love, your pathetic excuse
