Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

I HOPE YOU LOVED OUR PRESENT FOR YOU!

SO FOR THE REST OF THE DAY WAS JUST MAINLY HANGING AROUND.

LIKE THE GUYS,
OR CAM-WHORING,

LIKE THE GIRLS (:
okay and of course, classes. but well,i skipped maths for kwok. that bugger, he's so irritating. but he has a damn good imagination on what he wants his future house to look like and his Lambourghini . ahhh shit! just listening to him descride it just makes me so excited already. HAHAH

and of course i missed him. ah shit, i hate days like this. no more 'thunder' for me priss!

but well,

YOUR VOICE WAS (IS) THE SOUNDTRACK OF MY SUMMER. 2007

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

okay i know this is really outdated, but ive still not blogged about it and ive got so many people to thank!
so on 14 Febuary 07, kat and i went to school at 645 (!!) AM in the morning to practice the dance as arranged. but the problem was that NO ONE WAS THERE! hahah and here we were, with kui, the only punctual ones. OH MY GOSH! hahah and somemore we were the ones who didnt know the steps. *BISH.

but anyway, things got better. i was really frustrated because of lack of sleep and being there SO on time. and well, the night before wasnt awesome as well. but well i lasted through it. i really wasnt in the mood to dance, but i survived through it. throughout the whole dance, the VP and principal was sitting RIGHT in front of me. and omg, it was darn scary. heh though it was fun (:

so then mark walked in the hall with alot of roses and a bouquet of flowers. omg, the flowers were to die for, esp the bouquet. 12 stalks of roses okay! and so i was like jokingly asking who it was for, and he said for a friend. and i assumed -. and even kui posed for me! hahah cause i said i would love to get that too. heh


i was so envious! KUI

but then you know what?! HAHAH! during recess, michael kwok came up to me while i was eating with like hands behind his back and like presented me with that exact same bouquet. hahah! at first i was like pissed cause i thought he was just kidding. but like he was for real. OH Gosh, AHHH! i was like "are you serious?! are you serious?!" i swear he was just playing around. sigh, okay . THAT really made my day a whole lot better (: it was damn sweet!! i was really just speechless, lost for words. i never received a huge bouquet before. hahah! so anyway, we planned to meet on the 14th Feb 2020 for valentines day cause that's the only year he's 'free' for valentines day. hahah! silly boy, he's secretly planning to grow old with me. CHEH!


there you go kwok! a horrible picture of me just for you. but THANK YOU! (:


the rest of the day was just filled with too-sweet cookies, red red roses, silly love song dedications, and just hugs and kisses. aww, i love my school on days like this. heh

shumei kat and i prepared things too! we had three presents for one person.
1. a heart tattoo
2. a rose
3. a mini muffin!
hahah! the 'muffin' was actually supposed to be a cookie, but kathi bought the wrong mix. GOSH. it was so funny. hahah! i hope all you guys liked it(:

even our VP was in the mood of love,

he requested for a tattoo too! (: damn cute la.

and we had our very own cupid. FELINE!

the perfect cupid.
i couldnt resist but to try it on too


hahah yeah, i think i kind of failed as one.
then esther came to school! just for you silly! (: im your measuring tape when i hug you!






Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..


okay fuck, im in a damn bad mood right now BECAUSE i have an econs test tmr and i dont know shit. i have a history powerpoint to finish and ive not even begun. it's 10.23pm and at 11 i have to call kane. it's apparently the slut time, if you know what i mean. ah shit shit shit! i can just start swearing and whinning and just not stop. i dont know what the hell i am doing to my life right now. i had it all fucking planned out for this year at least. do well in IB, get good grades and make mummy and daddy happy. well it doesnt take a genius to know that im flunking my studies right now. i cant freaking hell concentrate. i cant get the fuck out of my mind, and i cant stand it! im usually damn good at my studies, it's one thing that i can control in my life and now, it's crumbling down. what the shit. i hate it i hate it i hate it. i hate not being in control. like you said, it doesnt take a genius to know that you love me. well but hell yes it does. because I cant see it and im not even a fucking genius. im that close - on giving up. giving up on everything we had, giving up on every fuck you said. because baby, words is all you have. it's what you do, not what you say. it hurts to think that im thinking of giving up. but im tired.. im tired of everything, im sick of just having to think about you everyday. i wana say that ive had enough and just move the shit along, but i know that i'll just be lying to myself, and lying to you. you make me so sad. i dont know if loving you is worth all this pain but i want you to know that i was with you when i had the night of my life.
i skipped chinese today. Again
how the hell am i suppose to do well for chinese!? omg.
im so stressed up! and whatsmore, im feeling so so horrible. im down with this horrendous cough which is killing my throat. i have to 'cough' every few seconds. Oh My God.. somebody save me. i just wana slit my wrist and be done with it. but well, blame it on the vain-ness. i cant bear to have a cut on my skin. AHHH! my life sucks .

the only thing worth looking forward to now is fallout boy on the 3rd. and basically that's it. i dont know how im gona spend my march holidays since the china trip my school planned is now cancelled. but im sure as hell not gona be some depressed shit . i think i need to get out of my depressed shithole and think of others as well. other people also have sad/depressing parts of their lives and im just one person. i just have to suck it up and deal with it.

tmr's econs test would be the first test im gona fail in like three years. how great is that.

make up your mind boy, because the my whole world is stopping for you right now.
but soon, the night would have to end and dawn would come again.




Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

im sick ;
down with a really bad sore throat and a dry cough.
i wana get well!

i hate getting sick.

anyway, i just brought back my laptop from my locker! ( at last ) and so i'll be uploading photos soon! really outdated photos all the way from valentines day. heh (:
okay okay, cant wait cant wait!



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i miss you silly (:
yes you.
forever was my promise,
and i intend to keep it.
i still love you , but im giving up my choice;
my choice to choose
because honey, i want to know what you really want from this.
for once, i want to be pushed around.
every girl wants a guy to fight for them.
and i want to be that every girl .


i was gona put a different video but i stumbled on this, it was like deja vu.

jojo- too little too late.

i dont know which to choose. you decide.

jojo- how to touch a girl.

theysay that the lyrics of a song often represent how you're feeling.
so which would you choose for me, i dont even know myself.


i spent the whole day today (besides being an hour late for church) at home trying to figure out my econs homework. ): can you believe that ive got an econs test on tuesday and im so dead for it. i dont know a single thing! and now im being serious. AHHH! anybody who knows econs out there PLEASE HELP ME!? i need you more than you think.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i'm back! (:
hahah okay, the 'under no roof' camp was HORRIBLE! it made me realise that i should never be poor and homeless. from now on, it's either i marry a rich man or i just work my ass off. i cant be poor. at first it rained! omg, i was so tempted to Not go for it, and even my mummy said i didnt have to. but i shouldnt be such a baby, so i went. it was semi fun, but Really boring. there were so many other international school there, six schools altogether and well, it was just this once where i wish i never made that bet.
MICH!
hahha! i had to walk with my eyes on the floor okay! just in case i make a silly comment : "this guy is hot". hahah ask me if there were any hot guys there, well what do you think!? omg, tall with curly/floppy hair are the words. But i didnt see any that made me stop . (:
so i have not lost my bet yet! heh (:

so well, we were broken up into groups at first. Six in a group? mich, kui and i were paired! hahah with two german guys and two OFS girls. and we had to play this quiz game. AH never in my life did i think i was stupid until now. i felt as if i was not even educated! ): they were SO damn smart, their knowlege of the world is awesome. i didnt even know what they were talking about la! they are nerds in a perfect body.

so well the night came and we built our shelter. hahah ! the 8 of us just threw cardboard on the wet muddy ground and that was it. why others were building rooftops and all. hahah! simpliscity at it's best (: but through the night, we didnt really stay at our shelter. we were mostly at the guy's sinking 'house'.hahah! the whole night there wasnt anything planned except to just sit around and waste time. it was fun, i mean talking to people that you dont usually talk to in school, but like Hell it was boring. 5 mins felt like an hour. literally. but it was not bad, i quite liked it. heh oh and i slept under the stars with andrew as my pillow! i named him my bolster because he's seriously like one. flabby andrew. ahaha! im sure he enjoyed it anyways.heh (: throughout the whole night, i only most probably slept for an hour at the most while marcuseng didnt sleep a wink! hahah gosh, he's retarded.
eng's favourite words of the night: " lets play some icebreaker games".
hahah! he said that at least 10 times, but we didnt play it once.


now my throat is killing me ):

once we broke off, my mum hurriedly came to fetch me so we could all rush home to bathe and change to go to tampines for my dad's open house. ah , i took pictures but because i dont have my laptop iwth me still, im really lazy to upload them, so next time yeah? i hate seeing all words on my posts. oh wells. it was boring, i tend to hate talking to people now. i guess i have lost my ability to communicate with people. ah! never mind, soon soon. i was also dozing off every few minutes so i have to be excused. so then i went home and went to take a nap. gosh, i fell asleep until 8! i was so shocked. thank God juncai called me if not i would have slept through the night. ): i rushed out of the hose and went for uwei's open house. it was ookay..nothing much happened.
but i felt really damn shitty i guess. i mean, seeing you again ... i dont know how to describe it.

so after, i got dropped off at holland to meet nic, priss, kat, russ, shumei at eski. we opened a bottle of champange. and
ah shit, i was in a damn horrible mood. so i asked the waiter : "when you are sad, depressed and your life sucks , what would you drink? "
that idiot asked me to buy a whole bottle and drown myself in it. hahah! stupid, i dont want to be drunk.
so in the end, i had a flamming lamboguini. however you spell that car. heh it was good.. but shit,never drink on an empty stomach. i was like half gone. i can only remember laughing and freezing our asses off with nic in the cold room. we were laughing at our lives and everything. hahah! it was fun. ah, but i cant really remember what was happening, my world was spinning that's all. and i was forced to drink up a whole bottle of water by priss. i love you too priss! heh ah, but it was horrible.
you always affect me this way. Oh wells.

so that's my saturday night.

my sunday morning wasnt that great either. i had this horrible headache.

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..


im preparing myself for tmr's event. ive to go for some 'under no roof' camp where we have to live in cardboxes and with NO food for the whole night and morning. Hmm, sleep under the stars again mich? heh
mich is gona bring So much water because she doesnt drink watercooler water. hahah! hello global indian international school, and hello and the other international schools. i really hope that people are friendly and nice. i hope that it'll bring me away from reality for a while too. i think i need it. cause it's starting to show on my face. i was in the canteen today and angela came up to me and asked : kristi, are you in love?

!!??!!?!?

what!? hahah i have no comments.

straight after school, it started pouring like crazy again. so we were all stuck in school. russell and james were so sweet too! hahah they asked me if i wanted to play in the rain cause it makes me happy. hahah thanks guys, but i was too tired and not to mention feeling awful.

last night! (:
thank you kane for inviting us to your open house! hahah at first it was weird, i mean all his relatives and family there. thank God there were his other friends there like tracy, clovis, darius andddd.. JUNCAI! hahah mr qincai (in english terms- anyhow) man!! i love juncai! hahah (:

i come from a non-gambling family so when kane's family started gambling, Oh My Gosh. you can literally see the shock expressions on our faces. SO MUCH MONEY WAS BEING PLAYED! im not talking about hundreds, im talking about THOUSANDS! stacks and stacks of $50 notes, $100 notes, and $1000 notes. hahah did i mention that purple is one of my favourite colours.. and that a thousand note is purple too..? hahah *HINT HINT!

so well, then at last kat, cai and i managed to have the guts to place our $10 bets on the table. hahah! we won and lost, but i swear juncai had no luck that night. hahah only Kathi! (:

juncai: hold my cap for me for a while kat.

(:
the table was so stressful! hahah especially when people place their bets on your hand as well. AH! you can literally sweat. hahah! i know who was (:
so then i went home at around 12ish because there was school the next day!

i had to be on stage Again for the class skit for the morning assembly. Gahh! i have major stage fright. i cant i cant! but well, it turned out fine in the end . pretty glad about that. heh

in english i got really really depressed again, so well i wrote this out:

1. i miss ralph lauren
2. i miss being held safely in your arms
3. i miss the esplanade
4. i miss being just totally happy for one day
5. i miss the fireworks
6. i miss your smile
7. i miss being able to miss you without me hurting on the inside
8. i miss the way my skin tingles under your touch
9. i even miss the way your words speak louder than your actions.
10. i just fucking miss you
    

i've never taken things slow, but i'm trying to.

just one question, is there anyting at the end of this? or are we just trying to hold on to something that to you, might be already decreasing..

cant you see, you're still all that i want; no matter how hard i try.

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

kathi says ive lost it with my video. ):

school was mellow today. the new people came today and ELLEN CHANG HUI BING BING! hahah (: you dont know how glad i am to have you in my school AGAIN! hahah my p5 buddy until now! gosh, it has been like what, almost 7 years since we've been such good friends. AH! how awesome. whiee! you made my day So much brighter. heh

we'll definitely go back to the days of centre parting and our 'one love' song from blue!
(:

taking things slow, to see how it goes.

after school, i made a deal with a whole bunch of devils. mich , jonho, marcuseng, james, kat and andrew. i bet that i can stick to one guy for the whole year, starting from today if not, i have to pay each of them $30. so well honey-s, watch me. from today onwards, no more 'i think that guy is hot' and no more 'i am attracted to him' kind of bullshit. hahah there's only one guy for me this year, 2007. (: im confident i can stick to him.
just dont purposely place distractions along the way and i'll be fine .

i'll be going for kane's open house tonight. gahh! JERILYN! you better be there. i definitely dont wana be there by myself meeting all his relatives and whatnot. ): i'll just be so uncomfortable..



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

dont judge me but honestly, i LIKE this song! hahah it's catch-y, and stuff.. i mean hell to whoever disney person she is, she's cool. hannah something.

i'll start singing -

IF WE WERE A MOVIE, YOU'LL BE THE RIGHT GUY AND I'LL BE THE BEST FRIEND THAT YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH - AND IN THE END WE'LL BE LAUGHING..

okay, i lost myself there.

last night

last night was AWESOME. (: kat and i rushed down to holland to meet sarina and kane for our 'supposed' dinner. hahah in the end no one else ate except kane cause we ate already. heh sorry kane! but well then we headed down to town to meet the rest outside cine. hello russell, jerilyn, priss, jonho, eng, shumei and juncai! kane kat shumei and cai went to watch some gory movie and well the rest just hanged out by some jap restaurant. whiee! i missed all you guys so so much! then i got so depressed, i had this pain in my chest. it was so bad that i just needed a drink. i never drink, only when i really have to. and well, that was the time where i needed one. ah! so we went to cheers to get a bottle of nite. it didnt help much though.

so then we took a cab down to nic's place to gamble. hahah! silly priss and russ asked the tazi uncle to stop at the bus stop so we had to walk in. but it was nice, i had an awesome (eye-opening) talk with jerilyn. dont let jerilyn fool you guys. she's actually REALLY smart. jerilyn dear, you are full of surprises. hahah (: that's why i love you!

so at nic's place, i lost money! okay, i lost $35 in just less than an hour. somebody say im pathetic at gambling. Oh God, i made this super move to count the money i won and so in the end, i was left with nothing! hahah really bad bad luck. ): what can i say, bad luck in just everything this year.

(pictures would be uploaded soon! watch out for this empty space!)

today

the day started out REALLY slow, i was rudely awakened up by my mum charging into the room yelling at us to get ready in 30 mins for my aunt's place. gosh, no one can get ready in 30 mins unless you're mr flash or something. but well, we managed to (:
so well, my aunt's house was pretty boring. there wasnt much to do except sit around and wait for our parents to finish catching up.
from woodlands, i went to ps to meet david and edward. i actually wanted to watch norbit (slap-stick humor- i needed it) but well, we ended up watching the ghost rider. hahah! the movie was surprisingly okay. although i think the girl looks like a man. heh

during the movie, i had one of those moments again. call me depressed or suicidal but it's true. my mind kept wandering of to my box of panadol pills in my bag. ah, it shouldnt even be with me but it was. if only it can work on places that really hurts the most.
so well, i did the most daring thing i could ever do in my entire life. it took all the guts out of me to do it and well, i cant say i regret it. my heart was racing, my head was spinning, my hands were trembling cold, i couldnt breathe properly and i still did it. i must say im very proud of myself. hahah (:
it was maybe three mins of just total bliss.
all the emotions just came rushing back. all the sadness, all the longing, how much i forgot how it feels like to be wrapped up in your arms again; i forgot how safe i felt... im sorry i forgotj
ive not felt that way ever since - .
now im even more sure of what i want.
it was the most daring shit i have ever done, i hope now you know where you stand in my life.

i love you jeremy, please stop cause i need you in my life. i told myself, my heart, that i didnt need you but i lied. baby i need you more than ever. i cant fake this stupid shit anymore, i told you i wont be the one on the floor asking you to pick me, to love me, to need me. but baby, here i am asking you. jeremy, love me.



(i'll upload photos soon, Promise! i just need to get my laptop back from school)

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

okay blogger is starting to piss me off. my post that i wrote like HOURS ago wouldnt show until maybe when it feels like showing. Gosh, it's so irritating.
and not to mention this other person. okay, the WORD starts with J. the Feeling startes with J. but not the name, the stupid name doesnt start with J, thank God.

i hate the word J.
):


it's not what could have been, but what should have been.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

well this year, my family has decided not to celebrate chinese new year because ah ku died. so yeah, we didnt. i guess the whole day was sort of fiction to me. in the morning, we still had to wake up early to welcome the relatives from my dad's side. and oh my gosh, there were so many babies! hahah i think that they are trying to support the government's policy of more than two children. Oh wells, i must say that good genes run through my family for the boys. they are so adorable, really potential heartbreakers. (: my baby girl cousin was chasing the other baby boy cousin all around! hahah woah. she couldnt take her eyes of him! hahah

so then we met my mum's relatives in shangri-la. and since we were not celebrating chinese new year, we just hanged around talking. we went to coffee bean first, then we went to catch a movie - just follow law. did anyone know that it was meant to be said as - just follow lor?!!??!
wth, i didnt even know until my auntie told me. hahah! i was like HUR?!
and did i mention that i hate all jack neo movies?! they are ALL the same, with almost the same jokes and just everything! and so, i just slept through it. ah i couldnt take it when i heard jack neo narrating. Somebody Save Me.

towards the end, i actually felt really down and heavy. because i suddenly realised that chinese new year will never mean the same to us anymore. in the past, or even just last year, ah ku would always come back from bangkok (where he was working) and would always celebrate this festival with us. and now, he's never coming back. even through all the pretence and facades we put on as a family, we still cant shade the pain that we're all feeling. we can laugh, watch a movie, have tea in coffee bean, but ultimately we all know that each of us are feeling sad and lost.

i guess the only way to deal with pain is to push through it because there isnt any other way for it to go away. pain creeps up on you when you least expect it; and there's no way to avoid it.

Forever was the promise in our hearts, now more and more i wonder where you are.

i miss you..

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

if love was enough, i'd still be there with you.

for the whole day, ive just been rotting in front of my tv watching Grey's Anatomy season 2. how i love it. hahah ive just got no mood to do anything, too lazy to go out, too tired to think. so well, television with a box of baqua would do it. (: tonight's reunion dinner again, it's amazing how time flies huh. sometimes life passes us so fast, we're rushing through it maybe to be at the top or to be the best that we can be, but in the midst of everything we forget what's most important; we forget to enjoy life. we forget to smell the fresh air, we forget to be with the ones we love, we forget to slow down and be seduced by people's laughter or people's smile. if time could stop, when would you want it to? i know when it would be. if we could change back time, would we have the courage to?
that, im not sure.

hello everyone,
how are you guys? i dont wana be a human traffic accident any longer and neither does he. so we would really appreciate it if things were left alone? especially for him. romeo and juliet were meant for each other, but just for a while. just like him and i, i guess things change, circumstances takes place. and even though we still love each other, it's better this way for now. we're just in a really dark room now, and cant find each other. but when the lights are switched on he'll see that ive always been standing right beside him all along.
i heard that things arnt going so great in his school and all, but please dont judge him. both of us walked into a relationship together, and thus we walked out of one together. it was a mutual understanding and yes im hurting, but so is he. but i know that he is feeling worse than me, because he has taken all the blame for this failing. however, im partly to blame as well. i couldnt be there for him like how he wants me to. i guess i just couldnt love him as much as he wanted me to. it takes both hands to clap, so therefore i must have done something wrong as well for this to end.

for one, he's like a dream come true. he crept into my life and changed it completely and i love him for that. without him, i dont know where i would be now. so please, dont judge him cause it's hurting him and it would be indirectly be hurting me too. i hope you guys understand where im coming from.
with much love, kristi

cause baby outside I'm smiling but inside I'm crying. I'll just keep denying, till I get over you.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

kthis is for a reason, im sure you guys would understand.

i've had enough too.
one post a day.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

it broke my heart to be away from you.

yesterday was definitely not one of my best days. i hated everything, i hated to smile and say that i was fine. but i knew i had to.
i gave my phone to eng to help me keep. so i wouldnt do anything stupid with it.
thank you guys for being there for me. especially marcus eng, nic pua, priss, kathi and so much more. it really made a huge difference yesterday.
marcuseng and nicpua were so sweet. it started raining, and we just finished econs. and
nic said: kris kris! let's go play in the rain! ( this is coming from a guy that has Never played in the rain before)
I said: are you serious?! dont wantt..then we'll get all wet.
nic: no no! lets go!
marcuseng: yes yes! come on kristi. you have to go.

and so i went. and in the rain, marcuseng said: we're doing this hoping that it'll cheer you up, cause we all know how much you love playing in the rain.

you touched my heart you guys! (: the first genuine smile i gave that day.

so then i went home to bathe and change to meet kane and juncai. Hmm, those guys never fail to make me laugh. even though it's always an insult about me. cheh! then jerilyn and ivan dropped by. i love you too jerilyn! even though you're such a bitch, i cant believe you called me a - . gosh and i couldnt eat properly because cai and kane kept looking at me eat. ): i cant eat with people staring at me eat! gahh. then kane cai and i went to cine to watch the protoge. (is that how you spell it) well anyway, it was Good. i thought it would suck at first because it is a Chinese movie. but it was acutally not bad. it was a sad kill movie about drugs and all and Sigh was that appropriate . there were a few scenes i had to cover my eyes because it was so scary, this dead girl was just lying on the couch with blood dripping down her mouth and whats more, with rats all over her body. AH, it was awful.
why do people take drugs? it's because of the emptiness they feel inside of them.

there were many times i just wanted to break down in school, and just cry . my head was pounding i had to take panadol, secretly hoping that it'll ease this aching pain in my chest; but it didnt. i hate taking medicine, especially stuff like that. but i couldnt take it. my eyes were swollen, and i just didnt have any motivation to do anything. i was the depressed girl,
why did you have to do it? cant you see, i'm only happy when you're with me. i dont wana be just friends, i wana be more; if it means that i have to wait for you to change or whatever, then i will. i'll wait for you. we'll see jeremy. i love you so damn much too


anon: im too lazy to reply to a person who cant even spell YOU properly. but i do know that im stupid for letting him go.

anonymous: just be there for him? i dont know how but i think he should be better now that we've talked?

james: !! cheh! see what you did! hahah if im not wrong, i got much higher than you in English and in Literature. hahah but i think i need to remember how to spell again. i suck .

jinwei: hey you. i hope he's okay now.

camille: hello! happy valentines day too! have fun in the states dear!

kane: you! you have So much money in your wallet and You didnt treat me. Cheh! i'm more important than your whatever bag okay! heh

sarina!: hello my love! i miss you so damn much. we have to meet up soon. get well soon dear!

esther: hahah okay !! soon soon! my laptop is still stuck in my locker! heh

j#2: thank you (:



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

it hurts to smile



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..


i really did fall for you, and so did you. but i guess old habits are harder to break and i cant accept that. i just cant.
it broke my heart to say those words, but i guess it's for the best. letting go is hard, but staying with you is harder. i loved you, and still do, from the bottom of my heart. i've never loved this much before and maybe that's why im running away. the timming is wrong, maybe in the future we would work. but not just yet, we'll just wait and see. i have no regrets about us because, you're still my 2007.
you'll always be in my heart too jeremy.

i'll update about valentines day soon (:
oh and a special thanks to Michael Kwok and Marcus Eng! (: i love you guys so damn much.


at least i have the courage to let go.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

hahah yeps! that's what im doing . i dont know what to do, but i know what i want. ive not quite thought much about it. but ive not cried over a guy in a very long time. oh wells, at least we're sorting things out.
(:
whatever he decides, im fine with it. live and let go -





Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

shocked nd thankful

im thankful for that call from S. Hmm, well i guess i really have to re-evaluate just how much i really want this, if it is really worth everything when i might not be getting what i give out. they say that if you have loved once, you're already really lucky. what if i have loved twice? would that suck? i dont wana do something that i would regret in the near future, but if it means sacrificing my dignity and be the guy's doormat, then i know it's not worth it. though I know for sure that everything between jz and him are way beyond over, what about the other girls? what about them.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

okay everybody,
VICTORIA SECRET'S RUNWAY SHOW 2006 IS ON TELEVISION NOW!

girls, time to be jealous
and guys, dont get too anxious. (:



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

today is the 12th Febuary
i was super happy in the morning, then i lost my energy much later after chinese. gosh, i swear. i quite enjoy school these days. shumei, priss, nic, russell, kat, mich and i were like laughing our heads off in chinese over silly poses (okay mostly me) of songs, and like taking AWFUL pictures of each other. hahah SIGH, YOU GUYS. (:

YI JI BANG!

the rest of the day was long.
is it me, or did the maths teacher become so much more fiercer. oh wells;

mich said something to me after school on friday and it made me think about it through the weekend. i couldnt get it out of my mind. and well, what she said is true .
mich: what happened to you kristi? you've changed. last time you didnt care for all this school politics, and now it's like you've taken such an interest.
(in other words, ive become more bitchy-ier.)
it's true, i have. i put all my frustrations to this person, i forgot how to carry myself well, i forgot how people's view would change i forgot how my mum thought me to be a good, caring, forgiving person; to be a snow white.

but instead, i became a bitch.
argh. i guess to a large certain extent im angry with myself? for letting myself drop to her level.
hahah
i told mich this morning at recess that i will change back to the kristi that everyone loves?. not the one now. im not proud of how ive been these few months, and well it's time to take a step back. im sorry mich! and well, i guess all the more i want to after the 'talk' with ms loh.

just so my luck, in biology today ms loh wanted to speak to james kat and i after school. i had this bad sneaky feeling that it was about *** and well it was. Gosh

well, she spoke to each of us at a time and well, SIGH.this is actually the first time in a long time that i actually felt ashamed of myself. i mean, she didnt expect it of me and i cant say i did too. i guess through all of the stuff happening this year, i changed unknowingly. and now i want to step back and re-evaluate myself. my behavior, my attitude towards *** is horrendous. so what if she's a real slut, a self- proclaimed one might i add. it doesnt mean we have the right to call her one too. at the same time, she made us meet ms loh, the fiercest teacher in school to be, then soon, the VP and then the DM. gosh, over such a small thing. it has become a 'discipline issue' . i never expected it. but well, it's our fault too i guess.

i guess this is my wake-up call. a wake up call to get back to the person i was, not the person i am now. i actually hate what i am now. so well mich! watch me. i can do it! hahah you'll see a new me soon, but it'll take time. but it will happen.
thank you mich! for well, without your words i might have never known i might have never realised how much i have changed. i might have never taken a step back to re-evaluate the life im leading in school now. when you said that sentence then, it may not have been meant to change my attitude towards things, but well it had a much larger impact on me than you will ever know. so once again mich, THANK YOU. and of course, you're my gold digger honey (:

the end -



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

glenn; says:
but stop being so pessimistic even though youre being realistic




Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

if you ever had to read just one book in your life, read for one more day, by mitch albom. it changes your whole perspective of life in just a 100plus pages, and it touches parts of your heart you never knew existed.

For One More Day will make you smile. It will make you wistful. It will make you blink back tears of nostalgia. But most of all, it will make you believe in the eternal power of a mother's love."




Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

imagine the 'nothing's gona stop us now. '

awesome.

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..





Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

cause i was born, to tell you i love you.




Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

OKAY! I KNOW HOW TO WORK YOUTUBE! (: HERE ARE THE VIDEOS I PROMISED.
enjoy.



MARCUSENG AND BRYAN.

and my STOP DROP AND ROLL! (: a really short one.





Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

i skipped the first part of school today. (: lazy kathi decided to sleep in since there were two free periods in the morning. so dumbdumb and i decided last night to meet in the morning for breakfast and we did! (:

my dad dropped me off at starbucks, and then i made my way down to town lido. gosh, i fell asleep in macafe just waiting for that bugger. cause he had to escape from school, it was so funny. hahah! damn cute.

so well, breakfast at wisma food republic was good. dim sum and porridge (: gosh, i was fed till i was so full, i thought i would burst! hahah
so then we lost track of time until it was like 12! hahah both of us needed to be like in school or at turf city at 12! hahah gosh, so we like ran all the way down to the cab stand. hahaha! gosh, so i got into a cab and guess what! not even two mins later, my stupid cab got into an accident ! AHHH! shit, i was like WHAT?! omg, so i had to rush back to the cab stand to take ANOTHER cab. oh man, that's how bad my luck is. oh wells. it was quite an experience. ive never been in an accident before! hahah

(:

i had to rush back to school for my lifeskills workshop for CAS hours. it was some community drum workshop, like percussions? and Oh My Gosh, i had SUCH a bad headache/migrane from it. EVERYONE had an instrument and the instructors just asked us to go with our own beat and do our own thing TOGETHER. and god was it noisy. it wasnt even music, it was Noise! hahah especially the cow bells. so well, at least i survived through it. hahah though my migrane stayed with me throughout.

marcuseng and bryan are the two bravest souls out there, and all for money only. oh gosh, they were so brave! hahah because of a dare of $16, eng put a piece of chocolate in his mouth and on his tongue and bryan had to take it off his tongue! hahaha! OMG!, the second highlight of today i swear. it was so gross.

i'll upload the video of it when i know how to upload videos on youtube.. i will learn it, dont worry. (:

straight after, eng and all wanted to run down to subway to have 10cents subway.hahah! but the thing is, we all missed it by just a few mins! so unlucky! we thought the promotion was from 4 to 5 but actually it was 3 to 4 . hahah! so we missed it. Oh Wells.

so then kat shumei priss eng jonho and i made our way down to town to get a few things. Hmm, Eng! i want the new fallout boy cd too! i choke after you're done! (: so then we made our way down to ps for kat to buy whatever she wanted, but in the end she changed her mind and so we went up to made with love. we were there for about 10 mins for kat cause she kept changing her mind over like what design paper to have and stuff. gosh .

so then suddenly, i saw jinwei - hi jinwei.
then i saw mingyui! - hi mingyui
then i saw dumbdumb! - hello you (:

hahah oh gosh, then silly shumei was like (grabbing my hand, tugging me) " oh oh! OMG! now we can surprise kristi!"
HAHAH! and i was right beside her saying hi to them. *BEESH! i replied her saying " err, i AM kristi! "
then she stared at me and then 30 seconds later she burst out laughing in her super loud laughs. HAHAH! it was soooo funny. omg, until now i cant believe it. hahah!
a moment of blur-ness, an hour of laughter.

i love shumei! (: ENG! you have met your match pal ! *cheers to that. the whole world is celebrating, AT LAST!
heh

im wasting my life away in front of the tv and my lapytop.

i have no ideas at all! i feel as if all my creativity has left me and im left with an empty mind .

im talking to daryl and frankie online now, and god they're having this 'spat' all the way in london and

on frankie's conversation:

frankie says:
omg he's really very gay
when he laugh he covers his mouth
like gay
why your friend like that

and on daryl's conversation:

daryl-san says:
so sad
eee
why your friends so bad wan

HMM, i swear it's fate . out of all the schools in london, two of my friends (one from mgs and the other from acsintl ) ends up in the same school. hahah! oh wells, just kiss and be friends yeah? heh




i thought i could resist you,

i thought that i was strong.

somehow you were different from what i've known,

i didn't see you coming.

you took me by surprise and

you stole my heart before I could say no -

the end

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..





Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

today was such a lazy day. as usual my mum screamed her head off waking me up, she dragged my sisters and all down for breakfast. i headed straight for my bed after that. ah! it wasnt a really good start, i had this huge misunderstanding/ disagreement with dumbdumb.
but all is good now. hahah he really did cheer me up. oh wells, so then i rushed out for my regular lunch with my grandparents. today we had it in chinatown! hahah gosh, that place has not changed since decades ago. i wana go back soon! (:

so then i headed back home to change then i went to greatworld with kat and liz to do some shopping and to cut my dreadful hair! gosh, i hate my hair. so thank God i had it cut. now it's at least better? i hope.

so kat and liz went back first while i had my haircut. and thus, i had to walk back all by myself! ): i hate being by myself, especially without my ipod with me.

so when i got back, i started my movie marathon while painting my nails.

head over heels
down with love
love me, if you dare

gosh, the perfect therapy i needed :D sad chick flicks always hit the nail on the head. all i need to watch now is maybe, hot chicks or a walk to remember. and maybe the notebook to complete my mood.

please take care of yourself dd, take your medicine and listen to the doctor. dont be so stubborn.


(AH I HAD TO TAKE IT OUT CAUSE KATHI WAS TOO DISTURBED BY IT. OH BROTHER)

<

i love this song, couldnt find a better video.

your call- secondhand serenade

hahah oops! i didnt know they were girls. but all the same, love the song. (:

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..





Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

a walk in botanical gardens under the moonlight;
nd i've fallen in love with the night.

i wonder, how you could say that sometimes you doubt if i love you.
im giving up everthing for you. everything i tried my best to keep and maintain. everything/ dd , believe me when i say this.

in mathematic terms;
when we text over a heart over the phone, it looks like this <3 . in maths terms, it means less than 3. thus love is meant for less than/not equal to three people.
no wonder love always doesns work out when there's more than three.
my sister told me this long time ago, and boy did it open up my eyes.



Dear diary,
I'm falling in love..

omg, we all can fit into a locker! (:

hello there james, shumei, kat, sarina, tim and jonho !

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Your pretty face(image).
Kristi ♥
MGS
ACS international
Trinity Melbourne
30/06/90


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